Ubi caritas et amor
by Aesculap
Summary: Who ist this strange guy who has lost his memory? What is he doing in one of Dr. Winchester's dreams? And are Angels real? A romance told in an alternate universe AU
1. Chapter 1

This story is for a special friend who has a special birthday – **Happy Birthday, downfall35!**

His prompt was: _Doctor Dean taking care of Castiel._

**Warnings:** Slash!

* * *

Fanny was bouncing next to her mother excitedly in a way only toddlers could. It was the first Thursday of May and therefore the day the ice cream parlors had just opened for the new season a few days ago. With nearly two years the little girl was finally old enough to get her very first own ice-cream cone. Her mother, Anna, decided to take a picture with her cell phone because that big smile full of anticipation covering her baby girl's face was something she wanted to be able to look at forever. Her bag was cramped full with stuff every young mother carried and the stupid phone apparently had been covered by every single toy, pacifier, baby wipes and empty wrapper that ever had found its way into Anna's bag. The clattering sound of something hitting the concrete told her that she had lost her key - not for the first time. Someday very soon she was going to buy one of that fancy diaper bags all moms had nowadays.

Anna bended down picked up her keyring and when she was finished Fanny was gone. She could have sworn her baby was standing next to her one second ago but not the small girl had just vanished. She slowly turned scanning the crowds of people, searching for the familiar shock of red hair. As she finally spotted her daughter Anna was speechless with terror. Fanny, the most precious thing in her live, was not more than ten meters away just about to enter the highly frequented road. Too far away for her to reach. Countless people were watching. Brainlessly. Unthinkingly. Not sparing much thought on what would happen if nobody stopped the toddler in time.

Everything took place so fast that in retrospect she still was not entirely sure what had happened. The man in the tan trench coat just appeared next to Fanny and gave her a hard push so the little girl lurched back to the sidewalk. Anna heard tires squealing as she sprinted the last few meters that separated her and her baby girl. Fanny was lying on the concrete crying, bleeding from a small cut on her forehead and knee. The man who had saved her child's live had been run over by at least one car and judging by the amount of blood he probably was already dead. Still Anna clutched her daughter tight and tried to think of everything she had learned at that first-aid-lesson many years ago.

~*~

"That is your last warning, Winchester. Another stunt like that and we'll give you the sack. You got it? I am serious about that. We do not need people like you. If it becomes known that our doctors are beating up patients..."

"With all due respect, Sir, it wasn't a patient but her husband."

"That doesn't matter, Winchester. You are dismissed."

Suppressing a heavy sigh Dean Winchester left the hospital manager's office. That day had started so pleasant... Up until the moment that poor beaten woman had entered his treatment room. Dean had been a doctor long enough to notice the signs of domestic violence. Every time he discovered those kind of bruises and injuries his blood started to boil. The guy he had broken his nose earlier today wasn't the first one to lie about his wife falling down or just being clumsy.

~*~

"Oh, Dean..." Sam sighed between two forks full of salad. "Why can't you just... talk to those guys. You know, violence is never the solution." The older Winchester shot his brother not even a short glance while devouring his double bacon cheese burger. They had had this discussion already too many times. All arguments said, all paths walked. "I just... I really like this hospital. And I like my job. I don't want to have to move again."

Of course his brother was worried. A few years ago Sam had been one of the youngest and most distinguished neuro surgeons on the west coast. But after his fiancée Jessica's death he fell for the wrong woman and now had to attend the weekly meetings of the local Alcoholics Anonymous. Not exactly the ideal qualifications for a surgeon. Today for Sam getting a job wasn't easy any longer and if his brother was given the pink slip they'd probably end up in a town they didn't know. And without the proper connections Sam was nearly unemployable.

"Look, Dean, just go to Mr. Corben and tell him you are sorry. He probably won't even sue the hospital because he doesn't want the extra attention. For once just stay calm and try to fix the situation."

"I was right, Sammy, and you know it. I am not going to... to prostrate before a thug like that. I am not. End of discussion."

~*~

Right after lunch Jamie, the blonde nurse that always made eyes at him, informed Dean about his newest patient. Male, approximately 30 to 35, injured in a car accident, severe head trauma, major excoriations, a broken nose, zygomatic and inferior maxillary bone. Whatever had happened to that guy he sure needed a surgeon specializing in reconstructive surgery.

Dean energetically opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. The records he had gotten from nurse Jamie said this man had no ID and therefore no relatives had been informed. Still there as a young woman with a sleeping toddler on her lap sitting in a chair next to the bed. She was not beautiful but still good looking enough Dean would normally be hitting at her. Long fiery red hair, pale, soft skin, eyes that changed between rich brown and hazel depending on the light.

He must have stared longer than intended because suddenly there was a faint blush creeping up her cheeks and she rose clutching the small child tightly to her chest. "I'm sorry... The nurse told me I was allowed to stay... I'll leave immediately..." The woman sounded confused, exhausted and anxious likewise.

Dean just shook his head, pointed at the chair and told her in a soft voice to sit down again. "Are you family? Because he seems to lack any ID so we still have a lot of paperwork to be done..." But the red haired woman just shook her head. "I don't know him. He... he just saved my baby." Dean saw moisture gathering in the dark brown eyes as she rattled on: "I just looked away for a second then Fanny was gone. All the other people where just watching. Nobody did anything. I was too far away. Fanny... she... she was running to the street. I've told her a thousand times not to walk on a street but... And then there were so many cars. He suddenly was there, like appeared next to her and... I think a car ran over him. Or two. I owe him the live of my little girl. I just want to make sure he survives so I can say thank you. He _is_ going to survive. Right?"

_Great_, Dean thought as he crouched down next to the crying woman, _Now I have to calm her down and fast before she wakes up the baby and I have two girls to comfort._ He put a hand on the redhead's arm and softly told her: "He will be all right. Don't worry. What's your name? I'm Doctor Winchester, but just call me Dean." He knew it wouldn't take him long to get her to smile again.

"Anna."

"Hi, Anna."

~*~

An hour later Dean knew more about Anna than he had learned about most of his colleagues in the three years he had been working here. The unnamed man in the bed hadn't woken once. The older Winchester glanced at his watch and started to rise. There were other patients waiting for him. As much as he liked talking to Anna - or listening to her, he hadn't been able to contribute much to their conversation because the red haired woman only stopped when she needed air - as much as he'd like to stay now he had to at least pretend to be working again.

"So... Looks like we have another John Doe." Anna looked genuine confused so Dean felt constrained to explain: "Whenever we get a patient without an ID or anyone to identify him we still have to give that guy a name. 'Patient number 114' sounds very impersonal. So somehow the name John Doe is used in that case - at least in all hospitals I know of."

Anna seemed to think about that a few seconds before turning to watch the unconscious man again. "He doesn't look like a John to me."

Dean hardly resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Women. "How does he look like? James Doe?"

"No. I think... You know, he saved the live of my baby. He was godsend. Her rescuing angel." She slowly looked at Dean again, determination in her dark eyes. "Castiel. Why don't you call him Castiel?"

~*~

Apparently everybody knew about _Castiel_ being the Angel of Thursday. Everybody except Dean. He hadn't even know there were Angels for every day. Perhaps there were Angels watching over flowerpots and shoelaces, too. And frankly he couldn't care less. There was still a lot of paperwork to do and in half an hour the older Winchester had surgery scheduled. A teen had broken his nose and without Dean fixing it he would end up with an unattractive crook. He hated broken noses. They hurt like a bitch, looked ridiculous with those tampons down each nostril and the surgery to fix it was boring like hell. Dean really needed a coffee.

He was half way to the staff's drinks dispenser when he heard unmistakably voice of Anna hollering for him. Apparently her 'angel' had woken up. With a resigned sigh he headed back to the hospital room. Of course when he passed the nurses he heard Ruby mock: "Looks like your angel is conscious again." His angel. Right. That's why he hated that dark haired bitch. "At least he is no hell spawn like certain other persons 'round..." he muttered loud enough for her to hear as he hurried towards Anna.

The bluest eyes Dean had ever seen waited for him. Dean was sure the guy was high like a kite on various pain meds but still that blank look of mild disinterest he regarded Dean with was more than just a bit unnerving. "Hi, I'm Dean Winchester. I'm your doctor. Unfortunately we weren't able to find any ID on your stuff so..."

The man still stared mutely.

"If you could help us fill out the blanks...?"

Nothing.

"Mister...? Do you speak English?"

"I am sorry, doctor. I somehow fail to remember my name." The man's speech was heavily slurred by meds and by his broken jaw but still Dean liked that voice. Much deeper than the lithe built would imply. Velvet over gravel - huh? Where did that girly thought came from? _Focus, Dean._

"It's ok... Just tell me what's the last thing you remember?"

"Light", the answer came without hesitation.

Dean frowned. That wasn't helpful at all. "Anything else?"

"Fanny. A small girl. A toddler."

The older Winchester pointed at the sleeping child in the chair next to the window. "Her?"

Cautiously the injured man turned his head to catch a glimpse of the kid. "I believe it was that child. Yes."

"And?" Dean probed.

"Nothing. I am sorry. I don't seem to be able to recall anything besides that."

"You sure talk funny, pal..." the older Winchester said jokingly while watching the strange man closely.

"So, "Anna interjected, "You have no idea who you are? The hospital has to give you a name and we decided Castiel would be nice..."

The injured man looked at Anna as if he had just noticed her for the first time. "You are the child's mother. You failed to reach her in time to... It was a... a white car. I remember a white car."

"That's good!" Dean reassured his patient. "You start remembering. Anything else?"

"Sorry..."

"Stop apologizing. There is no need to."

"I'm sor..." the man interrupted himself as Dean shot him an annoyed look.

"So, Castiel is it then..." the older Winchester glanced at Anna who was smiling from ear to ear.

"The Angel of travel. A very appropriate name." _Castiel_ nodded slowly.

"I thought Thursday...?" Dean shot an asking glance at Anna who just shrugged.

"Thursday, too. Is it...? Is it Thursday? Than the name is even more appropriate."

~*~

Dean was just about to explain the steps of surgery necessary to make sure Castiel's face would not heal to look like a second Quasimodo - of course now Sam would point out that Quasimodo's back was deformed, not his face and Dean would counter that having a hunch on one's nose surely counted as deformation, too, but luckily his brother was neither here nor able to read his mind - when Gordon entered the room. The older Winchester hated Gordon nearly as much as he hated Ruby. Dean actually was a very laid back guy, easygoing and getting along well with nearly everybody else in the hospital - except Ruby, Gordon and sadly the manager Mr. Harker. Unfortunately Gordon was the second plastic surgeon of the hospital so Dean was forced to talk to the guy more often than he would have liked.

"Hey, Winchester, Doctor Singer wants to talk to you. I'll take over your... _angel_."

For that mocking tone alone Dean wanted to punch Gordon. Hard. But he had to keep up appearances for Castiel's sake. Two doctors starting to brawl next to your bed surely aren't the best conditions for your memory to start working again. Even Dean knew that kind of discomfort was best treated with quiet, peace and rest. "He's all your's, Walker."

Dr. Singer, Bobby, was the chief of medicine. A good friend of the Winchester's father who had helped them get this job despite Sam's former addiction. Dean liked the gruff and direct way of the old doctor. Bobby made no bones about it and had no problem to snub even Mr. Harker.

The older Winchester entered Bobby's office with mixed emotions hoping his friend wouldn't give him a piece of his mind about that incident today but apparently that was the exact reason Dean had been summoned.

"What didja think, you idjit?! You know I can't just go to Harker and tell him to forget about it this time. You know, you've had already too many warnings!"

"Bobby, that dick was abusing his wife! And not for the first time!"

"I know boy, I'm not mad because you tried to right a wrong here. I am mad because of _how_ you did it."

"What do you want me to do? Look away like every other one has? You damn right know the police won't do a thing 'til she's hurt that bad that there might be permanent..."

"Boy! Did ya even listen to what I said? I do not want you to beat up people because they have beaten up other people! That's just not the right way. Even you can't be that dense. I want you to stop bullying other bullies. Got that?"

Dean sighed. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now why I actually wanted to talk to you... I've heard that the new owner is in town and wants to visit the hospital today or tomorrow. Please, for the sake of your brother don't do anything stupid in the next time. Take a few days off if you like. You still have way too many extra hours and Walker is more than capable of handling your patients for a couple o' days."

"I'll think about it, Bobby."

~*~

When Dean returned to reclaim Castiel Doe one and a half hours later he was determined to follow Dr. Singer's advice and take a vacation. As soon as Gordon handed over the records that intention ended in smoke. He took the computer generated picture that was on top of the papers and waggled it in front of Castiel.

"What's that?"

"Doctor Walker said I am going to have reconstructive surgery and if there is anything I would like to change in my face now would be the right time. He helped me and that is what we came up with..."

"Is he totally nuts?!" Dean had to fight hard to not sprint out of the room and... No. Him beating up another man was exactly what Bobby wanted to avoid. The older Winchester closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I am sorry if I did anything wrong..."

"No! No, it's ok. Dr. Walker made a mistake. We don't do cosmetic surgery on accident victims." Even Gordon had to know that after such a traumatic event the patient needed to find his equilibrium again before he would be able to make such a grave decision.

"We will just try to make your face look like it used to. Unfortunately there are no photos I could use as a reference..."

"If you could bring me a pen and some paper..."

"You can draw?"

"I think so..."

And boy, that guy could draw! After Dean got a glimpse of the first 'sketch' he made sure Castiel got a note pad an a few pencils to pass the time – and perhaps find his missing memories again.

~*~

In the evening when Dean wanted to take a last look at Castiel before he would leave for today Anna was still sitting next to the now sleeping man - minus her daughter. There was a huge bouquet of flowers on the small bedside table – most likely from the redhead - and the last rays of the setting sun made her hair shine like fire.

"Where's your kid?" Dean asked while he checked on his patient cautiously to not wake him.

"At my mother's."

"And why are you still here?"

"I..." Anna swallowed and the older Winchester saw fresh tears in her huge eyes. "Fanny would be... And I owe him... I just... I keep thinking what if he hadn't..."

Dean pulled her gently from the chair and led the woman outside the room before her sobs could wake Castiel. "Why don't you join me on a beer? We can talk and you'll see you'll feel better soon."

Of course Dean wasn't one for much talk, he figured he could comfort Anna in another way.

~*~

Sam had just finished his bowl of cereals as his hungover brother entered the kitchen wearing only his pyjama pants, hair mussed up and the creases of the pillow still on his face.

"Morning Sunshine!" he said as cheerful as possibly because normally that never failed to piss the older Winchester off. As a red haired woman, obviously half asleep too and dressed in one of Dean's tees, followed his brother Sam replaced his smile with a frown, mumbled "Okay... Awkward..." and hurriedly left the kitchen.

~*~

Somehow Dean was looking forward to meeting Cas again - when had he started to think about the guy as 'Cas'? It was early afternoon and the older Winchester wanted to talk to his patient a last time before their scheduled surgery. He opened the door cheerfully - getting laid really was working wonders for his mood - and frowned as he saw the other man was fast asleep.

Dean had participated in quite a few bar fights so he had first hand experience to what a concussion could do to a guy. Still he needed to talk to Castiel now. There were forms to be signed and information to be passed and with his name already on the watch list Dean knew he no longer should take the liberty to bend the hospital's rules to his needs.

The other man looked very peaceful and much younger. His features were relaxed and with the warm light of nearly-there summer Castiel's skin seemed to glow softly. _He really looks like an Angel_, Dean thought and noticed the other man's dry and chapped lips. The urge to touch them was strong but instead the older Winchester decided to tell one of the nurses to bring him a lip balm or something.

"Cas? I need to talk to you." Dean softly touched the other man's shoulder. "Castiel, I'm sorry but you have to wake up now."

Slowly heavy lids opened and sleep swollen eyes blinked at Dean in confusion. The older Winchester noticed one pupil was still more dilated than the other and made a mental note to let Sam have a look at the guy.

"Cas, you're with me?"

"Yes...," the other man answered in a hoarse whisper.

While Dean talked them through the stack of papers Casiel's eyes never left the Doctor. An unblinking stare that made the older Winchester very self-conscious up to a point where he let the documents drop to his knees and ask a bit annoyed: "What is it? Spill it out already!"

"You know, you are beautiful, Dean." There was so much awe in the other man's voice that Dean's face blushed deeply. Of course he had heard similar things often enough – he was quite handsome – but this was a _guy_! And that was something guys just don't say – at least not if they don't want to lay you.

"What ever you say, buddy... I think we should finish this stuff."

"Dean, I am serious. You _are_ beautiful. Not only your face, but your soul, too."

The older Winchester didn't interrupt the man because he was busy with blinking in surprise. Soul? What kind of new-age crap was that?!

"Everyday you try to help people. Not only because it is your job but because you want to. Even if you know it will involve you in trouble. You defended the poor beaten woman just yesterday..."

"Bullshit, Cas! Don't talk about me like that. You know jack shit about me! I am not beautiful, at least not my soul. I speed, I drink too much, I swear, I beat other people up, I cheat on the tax..."

"Still... your soul shines brightly, like a beacon in..."

"No, Cas, stop it." Dean was breathing heavily. He had no idea why this conversation bothered him that much. Normally he would shrug it off as the rambling of a seriously concussed man high on pain meds. But this Castiel-guy was strange. Different. Alien. And each of his words were getting under his skin.

The older Winchester didn't want to continue their talk – he wasn't even sure if he was able to. Ruby. Yes, he would tell that bitch to finish the papers with Castiel. Hastily Dean rose and left the room – no, he did not flee, he just... retreated.

~*~

"I really didn't think you'd cheat that soon on your angel."

Dean shot Ruby an annoyed and confused glance. What was that woman talking about this time?

"Although I have to admit the red head was hot. But still... cheating on your angel on the very first day... Dean, you'll go straight to hell for that."

Some day he was going to kill that bitch.

~*~

"Did you tell Ruby that Anna and I had sex?"

"No!"

"Sam..."

"She kinda had figured it out already and asked me, ok?"

"Dammit, you seeing that bitch again?"

"No... yes... We work in the same hospital. Of course I see her. But we are not together again. I made a mistake, I won't do it again. How many times do I have to tell you..."

"Sorry, Sam. I'm sorry, ok. Just... drop it.

After a long minute of quietness where both Winchesters were eating their late supper mutely besides each other Sam finally broke the silence. "You haven't mentioned Castiel's name in the last half an hour. Something happened to your crush?"

"He isn't my crush."

"But ever since he became your patient you are talking about him. All the time. Castiel here, Castiel there, oh, and a bit of Cas as an encore."

"Yesterday, Sammy..."

"Hmm...?"

"He was taken to us just yesterday. No need for your once-upon-a-time-talk. And you are overacting. I am not talking about Cas all the time."

"Ok, if you say so... Then let's talk about Anna. Why did you sleep with her? I though you just decided you'd like men best."

"I'm still bi, Sam. And if I want to have sex with a woman I will do so without talking to you first. And it was just to comfort her!"

"So you just showed pity and seduced her because you could no longer stand her sobs? And in fact the only one you are genuine interested is Castiel?"

The older Winchester sighed deeply. Why did everyone wanted to tick him off today? Castiel, then Ruby and now even his own brother. This day couldn't end too soon.

~*~

This night Dean Winchester dreamed. It was not one of his usual nightmares. They were not sitting in his beloved impala as a semi crushed into them killing their father and nearly Dean, too. They weren't on the muddy street, either. Where a madman had stabbed Sam leaving him to bleed to death, damaging his one still functioning kidney terminally so Dean had to donate one of his own. And the older Winchester wasn't in the OP, either. Watching a patient with ever changing faces lose his battle for survival regardless of what Dean tried to come up with.

No, this time the older Winchester was standing on the roof of the hospital. Right on the brink with a bottomless abyss only a step away. Behind him there were things. Things he didn't know. Things he couldn't see. But things he still knew where there and wanted to eat him up alive. His only chance was to jump and hope for some kind of miracle.

He shortly turned his head and glanced back. Although it was a dark night somehow there was a bit of light. Enough to notice forms approaching slowly. Some humanoid, some animal like, but all twisted and perverted. Sharp teeth, pointy horns and hazardous talons. There were only seconds left before the first one would have reached Dean.

The older Winchester took a deep breath, tried to calm his rapidly beating heart and steady his nerves. In and out. The pawing sounds were right behind him now. In and out. He could already smell the foul breath. In and out. And... Dean stepped forward into the emptiness. Countless throats streaked in frustration as the older Winchester fell beyond their reach and towards the black pit.

There was a rusting sound. Like countless feathers then something gripped him tight, clasped his forearm and pain shot through Dean's shoulder as it nearly dislocated. It took him a few moments to blink away his tears before the older Winchester turned his head and – looked into the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

Castiel. But still _not_. He had beautiful wings, majestic, august, regal. Some kind of armor, shining with an inner light covered a slightly transparent robe that flapped softly as they started to ascend again. Castiel, the Angel, had rescued him.

The peace lasted only shortly. Some of the vile creatures had wings, too – bat like, leathery, nothing like the Angel's – and they were rapidly making up leeway. Although Castiel had a huge and gleaming sword he could not fight properly without risking Dean to slip out of his arm. Sharp claws sliced through sensitive skin, leaving blood stained feathers behind. The beings attacked the Angel's wing fiercely trying to make both Dean and Castiel come down. It was obvious this wasn't the first airborne battle the Angel was fighting still having to hold a full grown man was a serious handicap. Castiel managed shield Dean from their attackers so the creatures could only injure the Angel.

Suddenly they were standing on top of another house, above the skyline of a city Dean didn't know.

"You should not let your fears tyrannize you, Dean." Castiel's voice bore hints of pain and his breath came in ragged spurts.

Dean did not answer. There was still too much to process first. Like the sight of the Angel's shredded wings, bleeding on the roof, dark red staining the pristine white feathers and robe.

"I will not be always around to rescue you."

"Cas, this is a dream, right?"

Instead of an answer the Angel sank to his knees, a small groan escaping his lips.

"Castiel?"

The unnerving beep-beep-beep-beeeep of his alarm clock made Dean sit up straight in his bed. He rubbed a weary hand across his face. Early shift always sucked. And after that strange dream he didn't feel recovered at all.

~*~

Dean didn't waste time with his coffee – he could drink it while heading to care unit B where Castiel's room was located. The older Winchester rushed towards the huge elevators trying to calm his nerves. It was ridiculous. Really. It had just been a stupid dream. Castiel was no Angel of the Lord. And the things lurking in his nightmares were not able to hurt anyone. Still... a strange feeling of dread remained.

Dean was too occupied with his inner turmoil to pay much attention to his surroundings. He was on autopilot, knew the way to all care units by heard and let his feet lead him while his thoughts circled around the stranger in room B4-11.

"Dean!"

Someone touched his shoulder and pulled him back into the real world. Anna.

"Hey, Dean. I... are you heading to Castiel? We could walk together..."

"Uhm... yeah... sure."

"Fanny decided we should invite him to have some ice cream with us as soon as he is released. As a small thank-you. Do you think he likes ice cream?"

"Everybody does."

They had nearly reached Castiel's room as Bela, one of the night nurses, intercepted them. She had a small frown on her face, looking pitifully at him.

"Dean, you are early. Heading to Castiel Doe?"

The older Winchester answered with a mute nod. Something inside his stomach suddenly became heavy, making it impossible to speak.

"He is in ICU."

Anna inhaled sharply to Dean's left and found her speech long before he did. "What happened?"

Bela eyed her shortly before turning to Dean again. "Wait a sec..." She grabbed a folder from the nurse desk and handed it to the older Winchester. While he flipped through the patient record Bela filled them in: "He lost unconsciousness sometime around 4:30 am. MRI showed a cerebral hemorrhage..."

"Brain bleeding," Dean translated for Anna without looking up.

"...and he was instantly transferred to ICU. Dr. Harvell is currently on duty. You should talk to her, Dean."

The older Winchester nodded and sighed deeply. Was this a coincidence? Was he slowly losing his mind? He felt Bela's hand on his shoulder. The exact spot where Castiel had gripped him tight... in his dream...

"I'm so sorry, Dean." There was more feeling in Bela's voice than he had heard in the entire last year.

"Why...? He's just a patient. It's tragic, but..." Was he so easy to read? And besides Castiel _was_ just a patient. A strange patient. But nothing more. And Dean definitely did not feel like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. No. He was completely professional.

"Room C5-03!" Bela cat-called at Dean as he was already halfway to the stairs.

~*~

This night Dean did not sleep. _Do you believe in Angels?_ he had asked Anna before he had left her outside the ICU. He was not sure if he believed in them. Castiel, this strange man somehow had him in his adamant grasp and was not letting him go again. From the first time he looked into those deep blue eyes something in Dean had awoken and slowly began to grow. Something he had not felt in a very long time. It was hard to name that feeling – no it actually was quite easy but Dean was afraid to. As if calling it by its right name would make it more real. As if he could deny it any longer.

Dean sighed heavily and changed his position. The dim light of a full moon shone into his room casting everything in an eerie light. Perhaps Angels truly walked earth as his mother had always claimed. And perhaps this guy really was one of them. He had rescued the little girl. But shouldn't he just have disappeared afterwards? Not been run over by a couple of cars and landed in the hospital? So he couldn't be an Angel. By no means. Or...? What if that really had been Castiel in his dream? What if he had rescued Dean and been injured in the process? Or going back another step, what if the only reason for that Angel to let himself be hurt by some cars was to meet Dean? Fuck, his head started to hurt.

~*~

As soon as Sam saw his brother the next morning he knew something must have happened. Dean's eyes were red trimmed and he looked tired and somewhat forlorn. He sat a huge mug of hot coffee down in front of his older brother and waited for him to take his first gulp before speaking up.

"Dean, what happened? You look like shit."

"Couldn't sleep..."

"Because of that Castiel-guy?"

A deep sigh was answer enough for Sam. He was not sure if he was interpreting too much into his brother's behaviour since he had met that guy so he decided to stick to the obvious. Dean feeling responsible for his patient.

"Ruby told me. He's in a coma now... I'm sorry. You know it wasn't your fault."

"I'm not sure..."

"What could you possible have done wrong? He had a severe head trauma! Cerebral hemorrhage is a common complication..."

Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly before answering his brother: "Yeah, I know... See, I had this weird-ass dream. Where Castiel kind of saved me. And the next morning I learn he went comatose around the same time. Perhaps it's just Anna's jabbering about angels... perhaps I'm slowly going mad. I don't know."

"Perhaps you have more than just a crush...?"

Again Dean sighed and slowly shook his head. "I don't know. I'm tired, I..." The older Winchester shrugged wearily.

"You are not going to work like that. I'll call Bobby and tell him you are sick. And perhaps take a day or two off. And you should try to get some rest. Watch TV – I head daytime TV is better than any sleeping pill..."

A few minutes later Dean had made himself comfy with a fluffy comforter and a thick blanket and was watching what he thought must be an episode of Dallas as Sam entered the room again.

"Hey. I've just talked to Bobby. You can stay home the next two days. If you need more we just have to tell him. And he'll make sure as soon as there are news from Castiel Doe someone will call you. Oh, and did you know, the new owner is missing. He didn't show up to the appointment with Mr. Harker. So the entire hospital is in a dither. I think that's actually quite good. When he finally appears again your 'argument' with that patient's husband will surely be already forgotten."

~*~

Daytime TV really was the most boring stuff one could imagine. After two hours Dean was desperate enough to try one of Sam's books. Unfortunately he was so tired reading soon hurt. The letters kept blurring and moving around while his eyes burned each time he opened them. Dean leaned back onto the comforter and closed his eyes. His brain was still way too active to let him sleep but Dean decided to put that to good use.

Once again he recalled his weird dream. It really had been Castiel. His Castiel. _His_ Castiel... Dean thought about blue eyes that could make the arctic ice melt and hell freeze over at the same time. He thought about soft but chapped lips, about how it would feel to touch them. To _kiss_ them.

Dean was sure – at least as sure as he could be regarding something as big as this. He had feelings for this strange man. But not just some feelings. No crush. No, this was the real thing. _Dammit, man up and call it by its name already!_ he scolded himself. He was in freaking _love_ with Castiel.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days later Dean anxiously walked down the hallway leading to room C5-03, to Castiel. According to the patient records the man had not woken even once and was still comatose. Before opening the plain white door Dean took a deep breath, tried to steady his rapidly beating heart in vain. More than just a few seconds passed before he could muster the courage to enter the room. When he finally heard approaching foot steps he swallowed and opened the door.

Castiel was pale. Even paler than the last time Dean had seen the other man..._ or Angel_ - had he just really thought that?! Crap... perhaps he was really losing it at last. Castiel looked serene and somehow the scene reminded the older Wincherster of stories his younger brother had told him. Sam visiting Dean every day, praying for his brother to make it, to fight, to wake up again. Afraid to lose the last living member of his family, terrified to be suddenly on his own. It must have been a sight like that after the nasty accident where their father had died. Dean on the respirator, oblivious of his surroundings, not noticing how his hand was held, how his brow was touched, how his hair was..._ dammit_! Dean hastily withdraw his right hand from where he had nearly brushed through Castiel's hair and noticed only a heartbeat later his left hand was holding the other man's. Thank god he was alone and nobody had witnessed this chick-flick moment.

Dean studied the records - although he was no neurosurgeon like Sam he knew his way around every part of the body and those readings weren't particularly promising. Of course he would talk to Dr. Harvell later but he was afraid she too wouldn't be able to tell him more than that the cerebral hemorrhage was not shrinking. Normally there was a fair change the surrounding tissue would absorb the blood and with a bit of luck no real damage was done to the brain. But in this case in three days the area of the bleeding had not diminished in size. With a sigh Dean put the records back and headed for the door. Before finally leaving again he shot a last glance at the sleeping man, feeling a sharp pain inside his chest.

~*~

The conversation with Dr. Ellen Harvell did turn out as expected. Ellen told Dean that Castiel's perspectives weren't particularly good. Not only was the bleeding not shrinking but the area where it had occurred could not be operated without risking severe brain damage. Great. Just fucking great. The one time Dean really felt like it could be _The One_ it was a practically brain-dead guy. Before both doctors parted ways again Ellen gave Dean a familiar looking note pad. "This was in his hand as the orderly brought him. I think you should take care of it for Mr. Doe."

Dean thanked Ellen and retreated to his small office. There were a lot of things to think through and on top of it all he wanted to take a look at Castiel's sketches. Perhaps it would help him to clear up the turmoil inside his head (and heart). Carefully he opened the pad. The first picture was the one Castiel had drawn so Dean could reconstruct his face. It was indistinctly Castiel. But he didn't look particularly happy. In fact his soulful eyes seemed to radiate sadness and the set line of his jaw made him look even a bit annoyed. The older Winchester knew this image very good, had a photocopy of it in Castiel Doe's patient records. Dean turned to the next page and knew instantly the woman Castiel had sketched in just a few lines was Anna. Sitting in the chair next to the window in Castiel's room. The following picture showed Anna, too. But this time she was running towards the viewer, a lot of other people around. Her face was contorted in fear and sheer panic. Obviously something Castiel remembered from mere seconds before the accident. The next page held two sketches of Fanny. The first one in the left corner was the small girl sleeping in her mother's lap and the bigger one filling the remaining space was of a happily bouncing toddler. Dean smiled. The girl looked adorable. Castiel _really _could draw! The next few pages contained various sketches of nurses. Ruby, Bela and even Jo, Dr. Harvells daughter who was still a resident and visited her mother now and then. When Dean turned to the following page he froze. It was a quick sketch of him. Just a few lines. And obviously Castiel must have drawn it by heart and without reference because this was from the first day from before he had even given the note pad to his patient. It was Dean and Gordon nearly fighting. Although the focus was clearly on the older Winchester. He swallowed and turned the page again. Another picture of him. But no ordinary sketch. It was very detailed, a portrait and somehow Dean thought if he cared to check he would find each and every freckle Castiel had drawn exactly on the same spot on his face. It sent a shower of something the older Winchester could not name down his spine. He swallowed and took a look at the following page. Again a pencil-Dean. This time he was holding a clip board, making notes. Did he really frown like that when he concentrated on a problem? Every time he turned the page there was another scene with him as the leading role. Castiel had been obsessed with him - when had he found the time to draw all this stuff?

The last page that had been used sent a sharp pain through Dean. It was a picture of a scene that had never happened like that - except perhaps in Dean's fantasy - and obviously in Castiel's, too. A kiss. A kiss between Dean and Castiel. But not just _a_ kiss. It was a _kiss_! There was more emotion packed inside that small page than Dean had seen in a long time. Compassion, longing, tenderness, appreciation, desire... A wet spot next to Castiel's hand that was lovingly caressing the back of Dean's head surprised him and the older Winchester noticed his eyes were leaking tears. He was full on crying. Over a note pad. Filled with sketches - could he possibly be any more girly? He took another look at the last picture and decided that he didn't care. He felt way too devastated to keep up appearances. It hadn't been something one-sided, something Dean had imagined. Castiel too had felt it. There could have... They could have... Perhaps it would have worked out...? But now it was over before it had even started and they would never have a chance to find out for sure.

~*~

As Dean felt comfortable enough to leave his office again half an hour later he was already late for his next appointment. Of course he had to cross paths with Ruby.

"Hey Dean, have you already visited your Angel?"

"What do you want, Ruby?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering if you two would hook up together now..."

"He is in a fucking coma!" Dean all but shouted.

"I know. So he now should be on your level mentally..." Ruby shrugged with a very innocent gesture.

Before Dean could decide if he should answer with a verbal threat, beat Ruby to a bleeding pulp or retreat before anybody could witness how his eyes had started to water anew Bela took his side. They weren't exactly on good terms, it was more like some kind of truce. He didn't tell anybody that he had seen her taking some of the meds home (to improve her meager salary he assumed) and she didn't tell anybody when he again disobeyed one of the hospital's rules.

"Ruby, you are a bloody bitch. Leave Dean alone and mind your own business! I think there are still three rooms you have to change the sheets."

Sometimes it was good to have the head nurse on his side, Dean thought as he gave Bela a thankful look before rushing off to the OP.

~*~

"Dean, if you are so obsessed with Castiel being a real Angel, why don't you just tell him about your feelings. If he really is an Angel don't you think he would wake up again? And if not perhaps that's the last bit of motivation he needs to get better again."

Sam was right. Why not give it a try? Although he was already at home, although he was ready to call it a day and hit the hay, although he did not have to be in the hospital the next 20 hours he just pulled over his jacket and headed for the car. Hope and apprehension had a firm grip on his heart all the way to room C5-03.

Of course it didn't work. Miracles just don't happen outside TV-land. Only in fairytales the princes wakes up by True Love's first kiss.

~*~

Live went on. Sadly. Because some times Dean was not able to understand how anybody could be that happy and oblivious when the man he loved was still in ICU on his way to being declared dead and having the live support switched off.

Each day before his shift started Dean would visit room C5-03 and talk to Castiel, tell him about the news, the weather and other meaningless stuff.

Each day after his shift Dean would visit room C5-03 and say good bye to Castiel, tell him about his plans for this evening - which usually involved getting wasted or just watching TV until he was even too tired to walk the short distance to his own bed.

Each night he would fight sleep in fear of the dreams that he was anticipating and each morning he woke up wondering if he had just forgotten or if there really had been none of those nightmares that normally haunted his nights.

~*~

About a month after that fateful day in May Dean knew two things for sure. Whatever Castiel had done that night it somehow had chased away the nightmares for good. Ever since the violent death of his mother, since Dean's 4th birthday he had been haunted most of the nights. But now there was just a blissful nirvana as soon as he closed his eyes. And the second thing was that Castiel would not be going to wake up again. Never.

Thankfully there had been enough hodgepodge in the management because of the missing owner who wasn't the real owner but one person of a group of owners or whatever - Dean hadn't payed attention as Sam had tried to explain everything to him. There were more pressing matters at hand. Like how to persuade Ellen and Bobby to not switch off Castiel's live support. And the chaos that the missing guy had cause had been sufficient for Mr. Harker to not notice the guy needing medical attention worth of 10.000$ per day without anybody paying. Because Dean was sure as soon as he found out he would order Ellen to _kill _Cas.

~*~

In the summer Dean still visited Castiel at least once per day. Harker continued to be too busy to notice something and Sam still persisted in calling Dean lovestruck. One day the younger Winchester had packed their stuff into Dean's impala and informed his brother that they were heading to Blue Earth, Minnesota. To Pastor Jim.

Jim Murphy, pastor of a small church in Blue Earth was a guy both Sam and Dean knew very well. Back when they had been just small boys Pastor Jim had supported their father John. Being a single parent wasn't always easy and the Pastor had helped every time he could. Both Sam and Dean had spent the better part of their childhood summers in Blue Earth.

"Dean! Sam!" There was real joy in the old man's voice. They had not seen each other for more than three years and now Dean just realized how he had missed his surrogate grandfather. They shared long hugs and while Sam unpacked their things the Pastor led Dean inside the old church to talk. Although Dean wasn't the caring and sharing kind of guy he knew from experience if Jim Murphy wanted to talk to you you better cooperated. For a Pastor he was very inventive in ways of persuasion.

"So, your brother told me you've met somebody..."

Dean sighed. "Jim... Do you... do you believe in Angels?"

"Of course, Dean. I am a priest after all. I believe in God the Almighty and in all of His children. Why do you ask?"

"Do you believe in Angels walking among us?"

"I do." Again the pastor nodded and mustered Dean thoughtfully.

"You know I'm not really into this crap... but... If... How would one of those Angels in disguise look like? How would I be able to recognize him as not human?"

"Dean, it is not as easy like that. An Angel would look exactly the way he wanted to."

"And I would not be able to recognize him? He would be an ordinary human being?"

The Pastor nodded with a soft smile.

"Let's just assume I've met an Angel dressed up as a man. There wouldn't be anything off?"

Jim Murphys smile grew before he answered: "Do you have someone special in mind, Dean?"

"Perhaps."

"A real Angel would be caring and benign. Devoted and altruistic, like many people are."

"Anything else?"

"Dean, I have never met one myself. And if I have I have not perceived him as one. I can not tell you the one trait that every Angel has in common but no human has..."

The older Winchester clutched at all straws. "What about his eyes...?"

"People say the eyes are the windows to our souls..."

Dean sighed heavily. There was no point in continuing this conversation. The Pastor obviously could not help him.

"Why don't you tell me the entire story, Dean?" Pastor Jim sat down on an old wooden pew and patted the spot next to him.

~*~

Spilling his guts wasn't easy but Pastor Jim just listened mutely giving Dean the feeling he wasn't being a total chick about it. It was... satisfying to talk to somebody openly about his thoughts, his strange dream and his _feelings _- although he would rather die before admitting it to anybody. Sadly the Pastor had still no direct answer to Dean's question.

"I am sorry, Dean. But if this Castiel really is an Angel or just an angel is something you have to find out on your own. Listen to your heart and let your inner voice lead you is the only advice I can give you."

They spent the better part of July in Blue Earth, enjoying the summer and helping the Pastor repair the leaking roof of the church.

~*~

Autumn brought huge changes. In a bad sense. A very bad sense.

It was a Thursday - what was it with all those weird stuff always happening on Thursdays? It was a Thursday and Dean had just visited Castiel in ICU. As always he was a bit late and took the shortcut to the OPs past Dr. Singer's office and the outpatient department. His thoughts were already by the young woman who had successfully fought against breast cancer and now was scheduled for breast reconstruction - Dean's specialty. He didn't notice the figure waiting for him until he was shoved against a wall with a knife at his throat.

Dean's head hurt where it had hit the pastel colored wall quite ungently and he had to blink away a few stars, still he knew instantly that the woman clad in tight blue jeans and a black leather jacket was bad news. She looked faintly familiar but the older Winchester couldn't remember where they had met before. That was until she started to talk.

"Dean..." she half hissed half teased. "Long time no see..."

Meg. The bitch that had tried to hook his brother up with the really hard stuff. They still had an outstanding score and even the sharp shiv at his larynx could not stop him from reacting violently. "Meg!" he all but spitted into her face. "You fucking slut!"

The fragile build woman was way stronger than the older Winchester had expected. He could not pull free from her grasp. Still he struggled feeling the blade of the knife cut into his skin. They weren't exactly in a remote part of the hospital. Enough patients were around so some had already noticed the assault. Dean heard how someone hollered for security but judging by the chivied look in Meg's eyes they would not arrive in time. Whatever she had taken it made her not only fucking strong but violent also.

"You know you are going to die, Winchester. First you then your brother. See you in the pit, loser!"

Dean felt how Meg was about to strike out as somebody grabbed his shoulder and yanked him backwards so suddenly that the older Winchester landed on his butt, his head connecting with the floor forcefully enough to tune everything out for quite some time. He watched in slow motion how Bobby turned to the druggie again after shoving Dean out of harms way. He saw Meg's knife shooting out faster than the old Doctor could react. He witnessed how Meg turned tail and fled while Bobby blinked confused at the hilt protruding his side before his knees finally buckled.

~*~

Bobby made it. There were much worse places you could be stabbed than 10 steps from the next OP with a team of surgeons ready. There weren't many worse places you could be stabbed than through the medulla. Bobby made it but his legs were paralyzed. Permanently.

At first the old Doctor managed to even fool Dean and Sam with his false bravado but after a month it was clear that Robert Singer wasn't coping quite that well. Dean didn't exactly forget Castiel but he had other things to do like making sure Bobby regained his will to live. He still visited the comatose man in room C5-03 at least once a week and the pencil sketch of Castiel ended up in a slim frame next to Dean's desk.

~*~

Dean was nearly ready to move on as winter approached and the first snow fell on the 10th of December. He had just met a guy yesterday - dark blond mane, a rack that made his mouth water with curves and muscles at the exact right spot... and speaking of a mouth, when Dean had imagined all the things that guy could do with that gorgeous mouth of his he - let's just say he had met a guy he wouldn't push him out of bed... And he was planning on giving it a try. He would call tomorrow as soon as he left work.

They were sitting in Bobby's kitchen, sharing a six pack and somehow Dean knew there was something in the air. Of course he was right - remember the thing with Thursdays? Right, today was a Thursday, again. So when Dr. Singer opened his mouth the older Winchester knew there was trouble in sight.

Bobby told them of the new guy the owners had sent. A really unpleasant man. Smug and cold. He had asked for the records of some employees before. Everyone of them ended up being fired soon after. "Ruby now works at a McDonald's downtown..." Bobby mentioned nonchalantly.

"Ruby's gone?" Dean could not believe it. Of course he had noticed her absence and assumed she had taken a few days off.

"Gone for good. And today the guy was at Harker's office again. He told me to warn you, this time it were your records, boys."

Dean frowned. "Harker told you to _warn _us?"

Bobby nodded and continued after taking a swig from his bottle: "Harker may not like you, Dean, but he knows you are good and he sure as hell doesn't like a new guy to sack his employees. And Harker told me that the guy had asked about your Castiel Doe, too. He's sure he'll demand to switch off the machines really soon."

Now it was Sam's time to ask - Dean was too baffled to. "Harker _knows_...?"

"Boy did you really believe there are things happening in this hospital Harker does not know of?"

"He knew and didn't...?"

"Sam, he is no monster. He might have a problem with your brother but he actually can be quite passable."

"So...", Dean muttered after finishing off his beer, "We not only are at risk of losing our job but this new guy will kill Cas cold-bloodedly. I think I need something of the hard stuff, Bobby..."

The three of them ended up drunk way before midnight. And it was around that time Dean thought he had the solution to their problem.

"Hey! I know wha' we havta do! You, Sammy...", Dean pointed a finger at his brother nearly sending an empty bottle flying.

"It's Sam...", the younger Wincherster muttered but he already knew his protest would be in vain.

"You, Sammy...", Dean repeated, "will op'rate Cas. Remove the coa... gulum and hemo... hemorrhage."

"He'll pro'bly die, Dean!" the younger Winchester objected.

"He'll surely die 's soon 's the machines're switched off, Sammy. An' if you're successful an' the guy who's been in coma for half a fuckin' year after selflessly rescuin' a lil girl wakes up 'gain there'll be media coverage! Your name'll be restored and even if the fucker decides to fire you the other hospitals'll be pantin' for ya!"

Although Dean was enthusiastic and positive his plan was bound to succeed both Bobby and Sam begged to differ.

The next morning even Dean wasn't so sure anymore. Unfortunately nobody had a better idea.

~*~

Again it was a Thursday but this time it was nothing bad that happened. On the 16th of December Sam had given his best, had cut open Castiel's very brain and removed every bit of blood that didn't belong there. On the next day, said Thursday, Dean could look into the bluest eyes again for the first time in nearly half a year. He wasn't over the moon he was already in the next galaxy. Sam too was happy, glad his procedure had been a success, pride and joy likewise making his head float.

Dean hovered over Castiel, didn't leave the room so much as to pee so he was present as a huge dark skinned man opened the door and glared at the older Winchester before finally entering the room. He was not a tall as Sam but had broad shoulders and a built that made him look three times his size. He piercing glare didn't help in making him more likable. So this was _him_. The guy that had not only wanted to fire his brother but to kill the love of his freaking live.

The guy's eyes were fixed on Castiel and didn't leave the thin sleeping figure while a frown formed on the dark forehead. "Is this Castiel Doe?" It sounded more like an order than a question. Dean nodded mutely not trusting his mouth to let something civil out.

"His name is _not _Castiel Doe."

"You know him?" The older Winchester was astonished. In the six months of Castiel's hospitalization there had not been a single hint to who he really was.

"I do." The dark skinned man was now standing next to the bed and put a hand on Castiel's shoulder to wake up the sleeping figure.

"James."

Castiel did stir but not wake up.

"Jimmy. Wake up. Now." Again an order. Dean didn't like that guy talking like that, not even a tiny bit. But he clenched his teeth and waited.

Castiel blinked slowly. No recognition in his eyes.

"James? Do you know who I am?"

The lithe man was instantly wide awake. "You... you know my name? You know me?"

"Yes. I know you. We have worked together for many years. Your name is James Novak."

"And you are...?"

"Uriel. Zachariah sent me after your disappearance. I do not know why the police couldn't match you up with the missing persons reports."

Dean had a hunch why that particular procedure might not have worked as intended but knew better than to voice it. If really his idea to give Castiel not the customary name of John Doe had caused an computer error he was endlessly glad for it. Who knew if he had fallen in love with the guy if he had known Castiel was one of the hospital's new owners.

"I am sorry. I do not remember you, Mr. Uriel." Castiel looked sincerely afflicted and frustrated.

Dean had to talk to him alone. Now. "Mr. Uriel, I am afraid I have to insist of you leaving now. Mr. _Novak _just had brain surgery yesterday and still needs lots of quiet to recover. I think it would be better to talk to Dr. Singer. I am sure one of the nurses will point you in the right direction."

The glare he was rewarded with surely could have withered plants. But Uriel left.

They hadn't had a chance to talk since Castiel... _Jimmy _had woken up briefly after the surgery. Although Dean was dying to clear a few points - like if they were really _both _in love with each other - he had not had the heart to wake the sleeping man. But now he had to know for sure - only... how do you start this kind of conversation? I love you, do you love me, too? No.

"Yes..."

Huh? Dean turned his head to Cas... _Jimmy _and blinked in confusion. "What...?"

"I do love you."

"How...?"

Cast... _Jimmy_'s smile grew. "I have a few tricks down my sleeve you could say."

"Are you really an Angel?" Dean blurted out before his brain could stop his mouth.

This raised laughter - but not the gloating kind. Jimmy's eyes crinkled and his entire being seemed to be lit up with joy while his body shook with laughter. It took a while for the lithe man to calm down enough before he could answer. "Dean, you already know I'm Castiel, the Angel of Thursday."

"You are not James Novak?"

"No, I'm not Jimmy, I'm Castiel."

Dean didn't care whether that meant the pale man in front of him was an honest to god Angel of the Lord or he just wasn't James Novak any longer because he could not remember a thing about his former live and wanted Dean to call him Castiel now. He really couldn't care less because the one question that actually mattered had been answered. Castiel was in love with him. And the older Winchester's heart threatened to burst out of his ribcage. There was just too much warmth, joy and happiness to contain inside such a small human frame. He knew he was grinning like mad and it honestly didn't matter anymore. The man he was in love with had finally woken up. They could have a future. They could try it out. There were so many possibilities opening in front of Dean, so many things they could do. He simply did not know where to start, how to let the entire world know how he felt.

Dean did the only thing he could. He leaned down and kissed Castiel.

* * *

AN: I do believe there will be an epilog. Hopefully this year :)


	3. Epilog

AN: Merry Christmas, downfall35. I hope you like it - especially the end. Although I normally don't write things like that for you I gave it a try. Not sure about the outcome though...

* * *

It was the day before Christmas as Castiel finally was allowed to leave the hospital. Of course Dean was with him. Although the older Winchester was exited Castiel didn't quite know what to do. On a post-it inside the pocket of his trench coat was the address of his... the address where he used to live. Probably it would be best to go there... Still he was anxious. He did not know what to expect although this was supposed to be the flat where he had lived for... he did not even know that bit of information.

Dean somehow felt Castiel's inner struggle and reached for the smaller man's hand as they stopped in front of the apartment building. Somewhere high above them, on the 31 floor there was a part of Castiel's past he was obviously afraid of. Dean squeezed the other man's hand encouragingly and they entered the building. Together.

The apartment was huge. About 200m² with a wonderful panorama of the city. The furniture looked expensive and the few images and decorative junk placed in strategic spots practically screamed 'interior architect'. All in all there was no feeling of home here. The flat was cold. Not lived-in.

Dean opened a few cupboards in the kitchen and found porcelain dished that looked fresh out of a magazine. Even the fridge was stocked with the stuff you normally see in refrigerator ads. Nobody had been here for half a year still everything was immaculate and clean. The kitchen was givign Dean the creeps and he hurried to catch up with his friend... _boyfriend_.

Castiel was standing in a huge bedroom. In the center there was a king size four-posted bed, behind the headboard was a huge front of mirrors, to the left was a big built-in wardrobe, to the right he could see parts of a partly open bathroom and the last wall of the room consisted of windows and a balcony door leading out to a spacious patio. This room too looked very expensive. And impersonal. Somehow Dean expected a salesperson to show up every second and tell them how much the bed was.

Castiel walked almost hesitatingly towards the wardrobe and stopped in front of it having not enough courage to open the slide door. Dean reached out and put his hand on the smaller man's shoulder, trying to embolden him to continue his exploration. Slowly, haltingly Castiel opened door after door, drawer after drawer. The clothes were expensive, too. Nothing like the ill fitting and cheep ensemble he was currently wearing. Suits and garments in various colors and styles, shoes made of real leather – handmade going by the looks. Both man exchanged looks and Castiel quickly closed everything again before turning towards the bed.

Slowly Castiel sat down on the soft mattress and slouched his shoulders. Moments later Dean followed and put his arm around the smaller man.

"So..." Dean said, not really sure what to say.

"So..." Castiel sighed.

"This is where you live..."

"Looks like."

"You know, this flat gives me the creeps, mind if we crash at my place?"

A shy smile blossomed on Castiel's face as he sighed relieved. "I thought you would never ask..."

Dean grabbed an expensive suitcase he had spotted in the wardrobe earlier and filled it with a few sets of clothes before motioning Castiel to follow him back to the car. They had nearly reached the impala before Dean finally got why the flat had looked that fake and not lived-in. There had been no photos. No framed memories of past events. Not in the living room, not in the hallway, nowhere.

They entered the impala and Dean shot the other man a glance. What if he really was an Angel and this flat was a cover? _Crap, you are being stupid. There are no such things as Angels._

The older Winchester noticed the lines of exhaustion on Castiel's face, how the other man was slouched down, his head resting on the window. Of course. After lying in bed and not moving for half a year he was still scarily weak. Dean made a mental note to mind the smaller man's feeble physique. He would make sure Castiel got a break as soon as they were home.

When he finally pulled over in front of the small house the Winchester brothers were currently living in Castiel was already fast asleep. Soft snores escaping his slightly parted lips, his face again completely relaxed. Dean had to remind himself that the smaller man was only sleeping, no longer comatose. Still his heartbeat sped up involuntarily with fear. The older Winchester took a deep and calming breath before bringing the suitcase inside and then returning to carry his sleeping boyfriend inside Dean's home.

Sam was already in the kitchen as this was the first day of his Christmas vacation. Traditionally the Winchesters didn't spent their holidays abroad but enjoyed lazy days at home to relax. This year Dean hoped they would not be just the two of them...

Fortunately the little house had a small, hardly used spare room where Dean had stored their old couch 'temporarily' as they had gotten a new one more than a year ago. Somehow he had anticipated Castiel sleeping at their place and not only cleaned the room this morning but already prepared the couch for him to sleep.

~*~

"Cas is staying. I hope you don't mind." Dean told his brother while trying to stuff as many SpaghettiOs on his spoon as possible.

Sam nodded chewing on the round noodles. "Sure. He might need a helping hand the next few weeks. As long as you're not waking me with your coital 'Oh Cas! Oh Dean!'-yells he can stay as long as he wants. But he might find his name on the laundry list..."

Dean wasn't sure if he should be grateful or pissed. He decided to devour his SpaghettiOs instead.

~*~

It was already evening as Castiel woke up again. His hair was rumpled and the cheap suit looked disheveled as if he had slept in it – what he actually had. Dean was sitting in front of the TV, bottle of cool beer in one hand, remote in the other and was zapping through the channels as the smaller man entered the living room.

"Hey, Cas!" He quickly put the bottle down and turned off the TV before walking to his boyfriend. "How're you feelin'?"

"Uhm..." The smaller man blinked still heavy with sleep. In the quietness they could both hear his belly rumble loudly. "Hungry...?" he added sheepishly.

"Hope you like canned food. Me 'n' Sammy ain't no cooks."

Dean opened a cup board and presented a variety of cans.

"We have SpaghettiOs Original with tomato and cheese sauce, SpaghettiOs Meatballs, RavioliOs or

SpaghettiOs Sliced Franks – I think we should go shopping tomorrow, we don't have any soups left..."

"I am sorry, Dean. I do not know what I would like. I can not remember ever trying one of these meals..."

They settled on RavioliOs that Castiel thankfully liked. Afterwards Dean decided that Castiel needed some clothes to hand around and sleep in with. Although they had gotten a few things from Cas's flat it was nothing to spend a night in so the older Winchester grabbed a few of his own things that fitted the smaller mal loosely.

~*~

The next day it was already near noon as Castiel finally woke up again. Sam had made plain sandwiches for them before leaving to fetch a few groceries and Dean decided to give his new boyfriend a short tour through their house. It didn't take them particularly long as their place wasn't very huge, the living room and kitchen occupying most of the ground floor and the first floor consisting of just three bedrooms, a small toilet and a bath room with washing machine. Still the smaller man looked ready for a break when they descended to the living room again.

"We'll be heading to Bobby's as soon as Sam returns. He'll spent Christmas with us and we promised to help him with a few things. I think it'll be best if you'd stay here and watch some TV or read a book. We're going to be back before dinner – I think we'll order some pizza or stuff. You ok with that?"

Castiel nodded with a small smile. "I am looking forward to meet Dr. Singer again."

"He'll tell you to call him Bobby."

"I think he is a very kind man."

"Most of the time, "Dean answered with a smirk.

~*~

It was early afternoon as the brothers said good bye to Castiel and made him promise to call if he needed help with anything – Bobby's place wasn't far away, about 20 minutes by car. The smaller man just smiled and watched them enter the black car.

~*~

Soft white snow made the otherwise dark night look friendly and added the extra christmas-y touch to everything raising both Sam and Dean's spirits. Although their house was the only one in the vicinity without Christmas decorations or colorful lights they nevertheless were planning on celebrating with loads of self-made eggnog – thanks to Bobby – and the endless reruns of Christmas themed movies on TV.

Dean opened the front door and helped Sam lift up Bobby and his wheel chair – they really had to build some kind of ramp for their friend. It was cold enough for both Winchester's hands stinging from the cold as they finally could enter their home.

The older Winchester was the first one to notice something was off. Soft lights filled the living room, sparkling in the dark there was a tree – an honest to god Christmas tree complete with angel on the top. It was decorated with all kinds of ornaments made of glass and straw, cranberry garlands and tinsel. Real candles smelling of honey and wax illuminated the conifer bathing the entire room in soft yellow light.

Oh and the smell! Dean had never covered the distance to their kitchen faster. There was a turkey inside the oven – complete with stuffing, gravy, potatoes! On the table he spotted not only fruit cake but ginger bread and apple pie, too.

Sam and Bobby were too taken aback to do more than gasp open mouthedly but Dean just took a last glance at the delicious pie that practically had his name all over it and then left the kitchen hollering for his boyfriend who was no where to be seen.

It didn't take long to find Castiel. The smaller man had obviously been fast asleep as he was still sitting on the couch and rubbing his eyes as Dean opened the door to their spare room.

"Cas, was that you?"

"What...?"

"The tree? The turkey?"

"Yes, I decorated your tree. And I thought you would like something more traditionally than pizza. I hope you don't mind..." He yawned before blinking sheepishly at Dean. "Sorry, I'm still a bit weary..."

"Buddy, I have no idea how you managed all that stuff but you have every reason to be tired." Dean looked at his friend, wearing his own pyjama pants and a discarded t-shirt. It really defied any explanation how the still recovering man had managed to accomplish not only getting and decorating a tree but to cook the dinner also. Dinner... They should probably start eating soon before the pies were cold again. "Please join us for dinner, Cas. If you're not too tired..."

The smaller man smiled genuinely and extended an arm for Dean to help him up.

~*~

It was long after midnight as Sam and Dean prepared the new couch in the living room for Bobby to sleep in. Countless glasses of eggnog had made all four of them way more than tipsy. Sam was on the best way to being really drunk when he left for his room. Dean too felt the comfortably alcohol induced warmth inside his belly and the world had already lost most of it's edges quite some time ago. He had no idea why Castiel still wasn't drunk off his ass as the lithe man had had quite a few glasses of eggnog himself – and Bobby's receipt always was very generous with the amount of whisky.

"Wanna crash at my room, Cas? Bobby's known for his lumber mill night shifts."

"He's doin' wood works?" The smaller man's words were already heavily slurred still he refused to just succumb to the alcohol and pass out like everybody else without the stamina of a Dean Winchester would already have done.

"Nah, snorin'."

"Oh, I see... 's your bed spacious 'nough for both 'f us?"

"Sure, just have to suck in our stomachs."

Castiel was leaning heavily on his friend as they slowly struggled upstairs. Dean too was panting slightly as they finally reached the door to his room. He was about to open the door as he spotted the green thing about their heads – somebody had put a mistletoe over the door to Dean's bedroom. Probably the same person that now was clinging to his shoulder. With a knowing smile the older Winchester pointed at the branch. "You know... Mistletoe..."

"We have to kiss now?"

What started as a soft pressing of lips against lips soon led to both of them leaning heavily against the closed door inside the room panting heavily. Another kind of warmth had started to spread inside Dean's belly making his limbs light as feathers and his thoughts race. Although this morning he would have sworn blindly Cas was just an ordinary man now he wasn't so sure anymore. Assuming that he really was an Angel would Dean even be allowed to do all those things he had in mind? Wouldn't it be blasphemous? Would he even let himself be daunted by that? He wasn't exactly religious and judging by the way Cas was currently nibbing at his neck... Dean decided to stop thinking and start acting.

Exploring his boyfriend's mouth with his tongue, mapping out each and every millimeter of the still foreign territory was better than anything Dean had done in a long time. When they separated again to catch their breath the older Winchester marveled at the sight the lithe man was. Ruffled hair, mouth red from their intense kiss, pupils so blown his eyes seemed black in the dim light. Softly Dean took Castiel's hand and led him towards his bed where he made the smaller man sit down. With a smile Dean sunk to his knees and started to pull of Castiel's socks one by one. He noticed the growing tent between the other man's thighs, the sleep pants fabric already slightly stretched by the rapidly hardening cock. A soft smile blossomed on the older Winchester's face as he let his hand slip under the soft pants and caressed his boyfriends thighs, slowly working his way up.

Castiel put his head back, sighing softly as Dean reached the other man's briefs. Rubbing slow circles at both sides of the twitching dick but never touching directly he watched as slowly a dark spot grew on the fabric, precum painting it in various shades. Dean felt his own cock rubbing against the confining denim and decided they both needed to shed at least one layer of clothes. He needed Cas naked as soon as possible still he didn't want to rush the experience.

Smoothly he rose again, tugging at Castiel's t-shirt so the other man got the idea before shedding his own quickly, Dean then continued his quest for more skin pulling the sleeping pants off his boyfriends slim hips. Only moments later he had opened his own belt and the jeans were laying in a pile at his feet.

Castiel's swollen cock was already trying to escape the tight briefs, the shiny head peeping out, smearing precum on the dark happy trail and Dean felt his own dick harden even more at that sight. Slowly he bent down placing small kisses around Castiel's belly button, working his way down towards the eagerly twitching cock. As the older Winchester hocked his fingers under the elastic band a soft moan escaped the smaller man sending an electric shiver down Dean's spine. He could feel his own dick bobbing happily between his legs as he kneeled down again, pulling the briefs from his boyfriend's body leaving him entirely naked.

Dean looked up, studied Castiel's face illuminated by the streetlights and the Christmas decorations of the other houses. There was pure bliss in the other man's features although the older Winchester hadn't even so much as touched his dick. A failure he planned to correct as soon as possible. But first he had to take in the sight a few moments longer. Castiel's cheeks were flushed, his chest heaving and both hands had grabbed the comforter in some kind of death grip. The smaller man's entire body was trembling with anticipation and arousal.

Dean lowered his head and teasingly blew over the head of Castiel's swollen cock. It reacted with an excited twitch and another driplet of precum the older Winchester made sure to promptly lick away. As soon as his slick tongue touched the head of his boyfriend's hot cock Castiel moaned loudly and shuddered. That was invitation enough for Dean. He opened his mouth and swallowed the hard cock into the warm wetness. Leaving Castiel no time to adjust, he started sucking softly and sweeping his tongue over the slit, down the back and up to the head again.

Dean could feel the trembling grow in force and Castiel's panting increase, more and more moans escaping his parted lips – thankfully Sam was fast asleep otherwise there had been no way for the younger Winchester not to hear what they were up to.

"Dean... I'm al... already..."

With an obscene 'plop' the older Winchester let his boyfriend's dick escape his mouth and stood up again, his own cock now somewhere on Castiel's eye level standing proudly from Dean's lean body waving at the other man as if begging for attention.

It took Castiel a few moments to regain his posture again then he wrapped his cold fingers around the hot dick in front of his face. Stroking softly he looked up to Dean.

"I'd like you to lay down with me..."

Even in a much smaller bed they both would have found enough space. Their bodies were pressing against each other, rubbing and rutting, sending sparks down Dean's belly directly towards his dick arching for a hand to touch him again.

Castiel's eyes were closed again, his mouth open, small gasps escaping his still kiss swollen lips while Dean sucked passionately on the other man's neck. Slowly he let his hand wander down, caressing all of his boyfriend's body on the way, circling on of the already erect nipples, stroking the flat stomach, following the dark happy trail down, down towards the hot and painstakingly hard dicks of both men.

Dean took both of their leaking cocks in one hand, stroking up and down in a rhythm matching the sucks on Castiel's body. It didn't take long for the other man to join in, rutting his hips against Deans sending shiver after shiver through both of their bodies.

"Dean... I love you... I love you..." A litany of more I-love-yous escaped Castiel's lips. Each one more frantically as the last one was warning enough for Dean. He too felt the familiar warmth, the tickling and pulling inside his stomach, inside his balls, the blissful sensation of an imminent climax.

"I..." he tried to answer but then the first wave of his orgasm killed every higher brain function as hot spurts of white cum shot over his hands, covering himself and Castiel, slicking everything further up. A shudder ran through his boyfriend and then his cock too was twitching, releasing spurt after spurt, mixing with Dean's semen into pools on the smaller man's stomach. Both were still shuddering with aftershocks as the older Winchester finally let himself fall down on his back next to Castiel. He could feel his dick twitching a last time, the last bit of cum dripping onto his own stomach as he finally found his words again and was able to finish the sentence he had started earlier: "I love you too, Cas."


End file.
